“Aw shit! How, HOW could I have forgotten that Antibiotics make the pill stop working? I’ve taken six sets in the last 3 months, I should KNOW this by now! HOW could I forget! F***”
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, we were on holiday, and now I wanted to shoot myself. And Matt. And my doctor for not reminding me.
Thanks to a fortunate and entertaining contraction of my first VB. I was on my 7th prescription of Anti B’s since my wedding in July. I was beginning to think I might be allergic to my husband. And apparently, now my daily contraceptive pill. I knew I had to get the EC. Matt asked if I really needed to get it, after-all it did cost an innumerable sum of $27. He began to reel off statistics about antibiotics and its effect on the pill, low risks of pregnancy, blah blah...
I paused, glared. Stunned by the idiocy (and cheapness) I saw before me.
“You’re willing to bet?” I whispered.
“Umm..”
“You can safely, full heartedly look back at this conversation, this conversation we’re having RIGHT NOW and tell me you were right all along when I’M GIVING BIRTH in nine months time!?”
“Well...”
“Didn’t think so....Idiot”.
On route to the local pharmacy I was hellbent on striking a deal with God. Numerical figures relating to bribes even went through my mind. I was actually attempting to bribe God to avoid accidental pregnancy. I can safely say it wasn’t a high point in my spiritual walk.
I passed no less than three new mothers and their strollers on the way. In my manic state, I of course took this to be an omen of some kind. It had been three days since ‘relations’ with my husband, my time was running out. I broke into a run.
Sweaty and crazed I entered the pharmacy and in a loud voice proclaimed to see the pharmacist about the morning after pill. All eyes were upon me. It was clear that I was the most scandalous person to walk into this small pharmacy in a while. I desperately wanted to hold up my wedding ring as I signed the related documents and shout “It’s not what it looks like! I’m not going to pick up one of those take-home chlamydia testers!” I’m not one of those girls you have to watch around your 17 year old sons! Didn’t I tell you? I’m MARRIED”.
But then I had another thought. They should all be happy that i’m in here. I’m paying them 27 bucks.
